My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
