my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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