I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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