Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
