He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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