jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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