apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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