tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
