Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
