It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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