went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
