Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
