I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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