3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
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