Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
