It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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