I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
