fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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