she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
