You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
