remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
