Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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