i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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