im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
