How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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