I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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