i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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