we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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