he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
