I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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