What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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