I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
