Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
