Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
