Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
