Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
