screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heās Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
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