And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
