dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
only if we run a train.
done.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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