just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
