I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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