Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
