i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Are we still banned from the library?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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