I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
