I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
then he tried to convert me to islam
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
