Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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