it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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