Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
