i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
