and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
