I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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