and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
