and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
