oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
