batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
