Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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