she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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