had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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