Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
