As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
