Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
