I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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