Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
