I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
