is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
