watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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