summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
