uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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