There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
