It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
