when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
