So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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