Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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