We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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