I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
