It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
